Five timeless years: Describing the state of our soul

HAROLD FEINSTEIN   (April 17, 1931- June 20, 2015)

Harold Feinstein, circa 1986, photographer unknown

“There can be no regrets for that which is built out of love. The love of the work, of the image, of one’s self. When you’re in the moment, you’re in touch with eternity. That’s the only measure there is, and I don’t even consider it a measure. I simply mean a “connection with”.  Time is not a part of the consideration. Timeless, infinite, eternal… Wonderful words to describe the state of our soul, and one of the reasons why we are so often out of sorts with ourselves because we are watching everything from the view of the clock and calendar, as though there was a beginning and an ending. There’s a way of measuring, evaluating and judging in terms of time spent, money spent, product produced…but not in the sense of being completely and wholly at one with the moment. Take me away from my goals. Take me away from my many destinations. Take me away from my memories.  Let me be here, now, in the sweetest place there is to be… which is here now.”   Words shared with his students,  10/18/99


This is what the summer solstice is for me now and for the rest of my life.  It is the day my beloved left his body behind.  All winter long, as his health declined, I worried that he might leave me on a dark and cold night during the fierce winter of 2015 — the  snowiest winter on record. But no. In all his graciousness, he left when I had plenty of light and flowers were abloom and the night was short,  and friends came to me in the warmth of a summer’s eve,  to ease my heart and help his journey to a greater Home.  And a few days later, when we gathered in a larger group, we sang “Here Comes the Sun” and looked at photos of the “man who swallowed the sun”….which is how I always referred to  him (for obvious reasons).

And,  I say it each year, when I write a bit to mark this day…there is no time when it comes to love. Not a day goes by, or an hour, when I do not feel Harold’s presence in my heart, or sense him sitting beside me — just as strong as it has always been. In fact, the relationship itself still feels dynamic and alive and evolving  because my own awareness of his gifts to me — things that I hadn’t really understood before — has opened me to a greater communion with his wisdom. My appreciation grows daily. I miss his physical presence, his laughter, his lightness of being, his extraordinary creativity and our mornings at the breakfast table where we would often sit in silence listening to the birds, appreciating the sun shining in the window onto our long farm table;  Muffin the dog at his feet and Linden the cat purring on the chair.  And inevitably one of us would utter the words “You know don’t you?” to which the other would simply reply,  “Yes…I know” …and our eyes would meet and we would smile.  The simple contentment of love. Oh how I miss you Harold.

Timeless, infinite, eternal..wonderful words to describe the state of our soul…

A kiss on Christmas, 2011
On our wedding day, August 15, 2000




Judith and Harold share a kiss at Harold’s Tribute party, 2014, © Ryan Sanborn

One good kiss deserves another!